The news in brief: 
Hide and seek taken to new extremes 
Doctors change teenager's face for bullies 
Society's narrow definition of beauty reinforced 
Games console misses the point 
Media drums up anti-immigration feeling 
German PM is unstoppable force of nature 
Small number of Accident and Emergency repeat offenders = convenient scapegoat 
It's still winter 
Man's inhumanity to man continues apace 
Online bullying is NOT okay (unless you're a newspaper doing it) 
Religion's bodycount continues to mount  
Huge firm makes billing error - paper runs obligatory picture of sad-faced man holding the bill
Unstoppable mutant super-rats attack! 
As Edinburgh returns to normal - the UK wonders 'what was in that bag?!' 
Old lady laughs in the face of nature 
42 INCH LEGS!
Newspaper renders statistic useless by omitting relevant information    
Wanna watch brutal CCTV footage? See it here folks!
Newspaper panders to the lowest common denominator  
House for sale 
Man starts new job 
Diana Watch 2014: 'still' dead 
Thigh gap not enough. Now you need a bikini bridge! - GET THINNER! 
Man invents awesome new dating tactic 
Reading the news so you don't have to... 
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