The news in brief 30th November 2015

Today's news in brief:

English declare Andy Murray British again

World leaders figure they’ll just do the same thing they always do

Partly leader has loose grasp of democracy

You can be right without being an asshole

Newspaper painfully misogynistic

Pot calls kettle black

So yeah, Cat Yoga is a thing now

Freedom of speech is for everyone, not just people you agree with

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Shape-shaming skinny people is pretty uncool

Shape-shaming chubby people is pretty uncool

Pro tip: dating apps don’t stop you using protection

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Medieval mindset still doesn’t grasp that woman are people

Study states the obvious: Scotland is pretty nice

Politician has skewed priorities

Economy still pretty fucked

Environment still pretty fucked

Nudes in brief: Chrissy Teigan  

And finally: chicken looks at bit like Elvis

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The news in brief 29th November 2015

This week’s celebrity news in brief:

Stop the press: someone you’ve never met shares baby pictures

Detail’s of woman’s breakdown somehow our business  

Woman conforms to media’s narrow definition of beauty

Cleavage is NOT news

Woman wears dress

Slightly pregnant woman looks slightly pregnant

Pot calls kettle black

Paparazzi intrudes on family day out

Woman’s personal life is somehow our business

Celebrities forced to get out of I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here

Breaking news: new mum goes out

Woman updates social media

Woman goes for walk

Paparazzi take pictures of couple having lunch

Woman fails to conform to media’s narrow definition of beauty

Woman doesn’t get dressed up nice when putting the bins out

Who the fuck pays for pictures of woman the bins out?!

Man conforms to media’s narrow definition of beauty

Woman fails to note that it’s still November…

Two people’s outfits are a little bit similar

Stars in their bras: Ferne McCann Charlie Sims

Apparently rules don’t apply if you have enough money…

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The news in brief 28th November 2015

Today’s news in brief:

Pro tip: two wrongs never make a right

Assholes celebrate loss of human life

Mad suggestion that women should have control over their own bodies

Remember kids: it’s not terrorism if it’s a white guy

Looks like we’re going to have some weather

Humans will kill us all!

Man’s inhumanity to animals continues apace

Retailers invent new holidays to sell you stuff

11 year-old is too legit to quit

Climate change probably a thing

Economy pretty fucked

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Facebook slow to change profile pictures to Nigerian flags

Medieval justice system destroys another human life

Is your tumble dryer planning to kill you?

People are literally fucking horses (we totally need a new insult…)

Terrible human beings get what they deserve  

Most heartbreaking letter to Santa ever written

Stars in their bras: Ellie Goulding

And finally: man clearly has a lot of free time (and fairy lights)

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The news in brief 26th November 2015

Today’s news in brief:

Turkey is trending.  Sadly algorithm makes no distinction between nation and poultry.

Nation celebrates day that Americans helped out some hungry immigrants (just sayin’)

World War III seems unlikely.  Newspaper's disappointment almost palpable

Man's inhumanity to man continues apace

Amusing diversion probably not helping

Economy slightly less shit (but still pretty shit)

Remember kids - if a politician sticks to their guns they're inflexible. If they change their mind they're flip-flopping

Pro tip: London not actually a sovereign state

People stopped wanking to play new video game

Study states the obvious: threat of grizzly death makes tourists destinations less popular

Proposal misses the bloody point

Mad suggestion that public services actually cost money

Religion's bodycount continues to mount

Glitterbeards probably a bit too much

Product placement still isn't news

Early reports suggest spider not being charged with domestic abuse

Turkey (poultry) pardoned by world leader

Turkey (nation) not pardoned by world leader

Stars in their bras: Coco Austin

And finally: tech company plans to raise the dead...

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The news in brief extra

The news in brief extra:

Anonymous have a new weapon in their war against ISIS and they're never going to give us up.

Or let us down.

Or run around and desert us.

They're never gonna make us cry.

Never gonna tell a lie

Or hurt us.

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The news in brief 25th November 2015

The news in brief:

Here's the Summary Squirrel with his round up of the week's top stories...

The news in brief 24th November 2015

The news in brief:

Watch out Beadle’s about…

Black Friday sales start this Thursday

Study states the obvious: heartbeat linked to staying alive

Satirical news blog wilfully ignores world going to hell

Religion's bodycount continues to mount

Family feud takes ghoulish turn

Sensible decision made for bullshit reason

Cows will kill us all

Man's inhumanity to man continues apace

Newspapers pick up today what The news in brief ridiculed yesterday

Accidental cannabis farm

Politician quite possibly delusional

Man borrows tactics straight out of Hitler’s playbook

Judge tells controlling husband to do one

Mad suggestion that women are people and not possessions…

Whole nation still in lockdown

Found: one lost belt. If it's owner could please come collect it from the police station…

Very British criminal plans very British crime

Vagina-bread sounds pretty unappealing

Nudes in brief: Ferne McCann

And finally: two legged puppy given new lease of life.

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