Today’s news in brief:
Donald Trump (allegedly) believes that parts of London are so radical that the police are afraid to go there.
We think parts of London are radical too. I mean the Natural History Museum is pretty wicked.
Here's a few more ‘facts' that the 45th President of the United States probably thinks about our fair capital:
There are corgis everywhere
It's actually in Scotland
The ghost of William Shakespeare can be seen most nights wandering aimlessly, despairing at all the foreign types
Big Ben is just a clever optical illusion
It is all downhill
The river is actually on loan from Wolverhampton
There almost no white people still living above ground
The Queen converted to Islam in 1983
Almost everyone has been murdered at least once
The capital’s first language is ‘Muslamic'
In some rougher areas The Great Fire of London is still burning
No-one dares drink tea anymore
Wombles are the number one killer of god-fearing, gun-owning republicans
Crumpets
Winston Churchill still stands on London’s sandy beaches, single handedly fighting off non-Christians
Thanks to the lack of handguns, there's a home invasion every 4.1 seconds (and that's just the SW1 postcode)
Everyone is dead from Obamacare
Reading the news so you don't have to…
