The news in brief:
Holy shit – we take a few sick days and the world goes to
hell in a hand cart.
First, another plane falls out of the sky and it’s starting
to look as if the co-pilot may have done it on purpose. There’s absolutely
nothing funny about that and as always The
news in brief extends its thoughts and prayers to the families.
If there’s any cold comfort in this tragedy, it’s that
flying hasn’t become something new to fear. If it was the co-pilot, then there
was no breakdown or mechanical failure that makes us question the safety of air
travel. We have no reason to believe that aeroplanes are going to start
dropping out of the sky left, right and centre, and that, as we said, is at
least some cold comfort.
Then we have a building falling down in New York. There’s shit all funny about that
either. Maybe if it were elsewhere in the world we’d find a way to squeeze out a
wisecrack or two, but buildings falling down in New York will forever more be associated with
the day that thousands of innocents were snuffed out for no god-damned reason.
When I saw the headline, my mind went straight to 9/11 and for a heart-stopping
second I was terrified it had happened again. And that’s coming from a fat,
comfy Brit living thousands of miles away…
In other news: gross misconduct policy applied correctly
General public doesn’t seem to agree that Duty of Care still
applies if you’re really, really popular
One Direction reduced to 0.8 Direction
Budget supermarket knows where it’s at
Road eats bus
Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace
Turns out success doesn’t equal happiness
Old dead guy finally gets buried
Religion’s bodycount continues to mount
Common sense: 1, bureaucracy: 0
Amazon and Facebook unleash their drone armadas!
Attention-seeking hyper-bitch strikes again
Relax; the giant space rock will totally miss us
£30, 000 fuck up
Science is fucking awesome: sonic cannon that puts out fires
Study states the obvious: breakups are painful (but you’ll
live)
Midwives prepare for Fifty Shades backlash
Nudes in brief: Blac Chyna
And finally: Scotched Crème Egg. That is all.
Reading the news, so
you don’t have to…
For the Americans in the audience, a Scotched Egg is a
boiled hen’s egg, wrapped in sausage meat, wrapped in breadcrumbs and then deep
fried. They are delicious, frightfully bad for you and an essential part of any
picnic (and require tomato ketchup to be fully appreciated)
A Crème Egg is a chocolate egg, about the size of a hen’s
egg, piped full of sweet white goo, with a sweet yellow goo centre, simulating the
yolk and albumen of a soft boiled egg.
A Scotched Crème Egg would be a Creme Egg, wrapped in
sausage meat, wrapped in breadcrumbs and deep fried. Clearly the work of a deranged
evil genius.
