The news in brief 15th May 2014

The news in brief: 

Medieval morality: 1, human decency: 0

All around the globe, men still treat women like shit

News outlet enjoys another round of cyberbullying

Teenager suggests she’s not responsible for other people’s thoughts

No shit: exercise is good for you  

Humungous arsehole caught on camera

Storm might finally be abating

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Science suggests you’re all attention-seeking whiners

Middle of May starting to exhibit ‘summer-like symptoms’

Another ‘ghost*’ caught on camera

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Political party fails to practice what it preaches

Expensive houses are expensive

Political party continues its mission to offend everyone on Earth

Nudes in brief: Millie Mackintosh

Disturbing images (followed by warning about disturbing images)

Study states the obvious: Brits like barbeque

Apparently, the Pentagon plans for everything

Man knows how to parent

Someone doesn’t know how to parent

News website doesn’t proof read its homepage

Diana Watch 2014: ‘still dead’

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

*dust particle

The news in brief 14th May 2014

The news in brief:

Film not very good

Nerds are ever satisfied

Man doesn’t learn from all the ‘don’t be a cunt on the Internet’ stories

News outlet engages in a bit of cyberbullying

Blurry shape in the sky probably not aliens (but there sure are a lot of these stories at the minute)

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Not all human beings are despicable thunderturds (rest in peace Stephen)

Woman happy to ruin the film for everyone else

Optimus Prime is looking pretty buff

News website confuses product placement for news…

Economy a bit less shit

Newspaper forgets to use the word ‘allegedly’ in its headlines again

Nudes in brief: Ellie Goulding

Study states the obvious: criminals do illegal stuff

MP suggests ghoulish solution to practical problem

Political correctness gone mad

Remember: all men are monsters and all women are objects of pity

‘Ghost-like vision’ probably not a ghost

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Clowns are terrifying monsters

Birds kinda look alike, maybe

People will complain about anything

Diana Watch 2014: her butler is in the news again. She’s dead.  

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 13th May 2014

The news in brief:

Outrage: pop music a bit raunchy

Russia situation still pretty hairy

No shit: radioactive material is bad for you 

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Bureaucracy: 1, human decency: 0 

Political party not too sure about the definition of ‘freedom’

Condoms are not food

Science is pretty fucking awesome

Bruise looks a bit like an angel

Mole is pretty fucking ugly

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Man knows how to dad

14 lane motorway!!!!!

Supermarkets should probably tell us if there’s stealth religion in our food

Political party wants to make us all slaves – people too lazy to read manifestos

Nudes in brief: Dita Von Teese

Looks like we’re going to have some weather

Buffaloes beat up lions

Health and fucking safety 

Mobile phones will kill us all!

Newspaper gives us its not-so-subtle opinion on equality

Study states the obvious: keeping fit and healthy is good for you

Pope welcomes our Martian brethren to the Catholic church

Diana Watch 2014: still pretty dead

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 12th May 2014 and celebrity special

The news in brief:

Promises sound too good to be true

News outlets struggle with the word ‘allegedly’

Nasa states the obvious

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Giant snake!

The North East is pretty shit, like

Old couple plan to do each other in

People like biscuits

Rubbish TV show to finally end

North East not that bad

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Miracle baby!    

Study states the obvious – beer makes people attractive

Pavement actually pretty obvious

Blurry shape probably not aliens

Burkha ownership not at all relevant to story

DJ probably not responsible for 1932

Toothpaste will kill us all

Woman walks on beach

Woman has legs

Family caught spending time together

People go to a party

Woman wears dress

Shock: Pregnant woman has a bump

Mystery package is none of our business

Nudes in brief: Jessica Alba, Avril Lavigne  

Outrage: woman holds hands with her girlfriend

Brother’s clothes apparently not noteworthy

Man imbibes fluid

Paparazzi catches woman wearing sensible shoes

Speculation about soap opera plot is NOT news

Woman wears dress

Diana Watch 2014: really sure she’s pretty fucking dead

Reading the news, and the not news, so you don’t have to…

Breaking news

Breaking news: 'Want your tax. Want your tax for good.'

Breaking news

Breaking news: actually talking to your mother a thing of the past

Breaking news

Breaking news: man eating chicken!