The news in brief 5th February 2014

The news in brief:

German sense of humour a bit hit-and-miss

Doctor states the obvious

London Taxi drivers score for overtime

Woman’s skirt length is news now?

Probiotic yogurts probably not all that good for you

Babies are weird

Weather still a bit shit

Bird flu’s back

Mask wearers still unaware of irony

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Bristol crocodile still hasn’t integrated or learned English

Olympic hotels ‘a bit shit’

Breast cancer victims belittled

Remember kids: healthy snacks are more important than education

Actress fails to smile 24/7

Man tells it like it is on Facebook

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Headline implies console had something to do with it

Evil plan backfires

Pop star is a total and utter prick (allegedly)

Science is awesome!

Study states the obvious: snacking is bad for you

Diana Watch 2014: ‘still dead’

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 4th February 2014

The news in brief:

Pixilation fail

Motivational abuse for sale

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Newspaper unable to find long-lost proof reader

Horrible family looks exactly how you’d imagine

Crop circles appear in footballer’s hair

UKIP needs to start checking people’s references

Pot calls kettle black

Attention-seeking hyperbitch continues mission to offend everyone on Earth

Crocodile in Bristol (benefits status unknown)

Happy Birthday popular social media website who hosts my blog for free

Man makes poor life decision

Fracking probably not worth it

Diana Watch 2014: still dead

Space is totally kicking rad

Study states the obvious

‘Boys will be boys’ used to mean hair-pulling and scrumping (ask your dad)

North of England scoops fat bastard award

Upstanding dude shows world how to #NekNominate

Smoking toddler

Public outrage at see-through windows

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount (but no-one cares today because someone famous died)

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 3rd February 2014

The news in brief:

Racist bigots offended by beverage

US citizens fail to identify National Anthem

News in brief upset it didn't make SuperbOwl joke first

Mad suggestion that mental health should be taken seriously

Robots are NOT responsible for you shoplifting

Media adopts controversial 'guilty until proven innocent' stance

Good idea immediately dismissed as 'a bit Tory'

Religion's bodycount continues to mount

Fans excited about things not actually shown in trailer

Audience member suggests attention-seeking hyperbitch shuts her mouth

Man's inhumanity to man continues apace 

Diana Watch 2014: still pretty dead

Crazy suggestion that being paid a living wage might be a Good Idea

Graduate suggests job is beneath them LIVE ON AIR

Idiotic game claims its first victims 

Sport interupts best adverts of the year 

Britain still having some weather 

Giants rats are coming to eat YOUR babies 

73 year-old is tougher than you

Reading the news so you don't have to...

 

The news in brief 2nd February 2014

The news in brief celebrity special:

Fictional wizard should have broken the bro code

Stuff happens in soap opera

Pregnant mum has job

People like Star Wars

Internet gets judgemental pretty quickly

Dress is a bit racy

Woman wears clothes

Woman doesn’t wear clothes

Child plays with outdoor toys inside

Woman’s hair cut criticised

Will no-one let Taylor Swift finish?!

Newspaper indulges in a bit of Schadenfreude

Knickers are news now

Paparazzi intrude on family day out

Woman wears trousers

Royal likes éclairs just like everyone else

Woman doesn’t conform to media’s narrow definition of beauty

Man buys car

Definition of ‘matching’ stretched to breaking

Cleavage!

Woman dresses for the weather

Reading the ‘news’ so you don’t have to…  

The news in brief exclusive

Exclusive news: high street chain not so hot at discounting...

The news in brief extra

The news in brief extra:

Sometimes, just sometimes, the actual news is insane enough, that The news in brief team don't need to do anything to make it wonderful:

http://metro.co.uk/2014/02/01/biker-rides-through-pearly-gates-after-being-buried-atop-his-harley-davidson-4286664/

Enjoy.

Breaking news

Breaking news: country shits all over women's human rights