The news in brief:
Out of control spaceship probably won’t kill us all
Community comes together to clean up after rioters – but that
doesn’t sell papers now, does it?
Election fever!
Tiny new dinosaur
Sensible suggestion portrayed as nightmarish horror
Science is looking after your arse
Study states the obvious: rat poison is bad for you
Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace
General public all too willing to brand obviously sick child
a monster
Police outsources work to social media
Germany
suggest free speech is cool (but being a bellend is not)
Archaeologists find exactly what you’d expect to find on
200-year-old battlefield
Woman still hasn’t had baby
Religion’s bodycount continues to mount
Crazy tyrant behaves like a crazy tyrant
Big business surprises no-one
Stop the fucking press: PM’s wife hasn’t painted her toe nails!
Politician continues to trade on xenophobia and fear
Avon lady is better at her
job than you
Bank holiday traffic will probably be shit
Man is totally not sorry
Seagulls are fucking dicks
Nudes in brief: Luisa Zissman
And finally: miracle baby found alive and well
Reading the news so
you don’t have to…
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