The news in brief 30th November 2014

The news in brief celebrity special:

Man poses for picture

Minor fender-bender still making headlines 24 hours later

Woman wears black dress

Woman wears green dress

Woman wears silver dress

Act voted off of reality TV show

Woman conforms to media’s narrow definition of beauty

Dramatic thing set to happen in soap opera

Woman’s sex life is somehow our business

Paparazzi intrudes on family day out

Woman dresses appropriately for the weather

Man and woman caught leaving work at the end of the day (but apparently only woman’s clothes need judging)

Stop the press: man sells house

Parent caught parenting

Family’s coats aren’t even a little bit similar

Woman updates social media

Pregnant woman looks pregnant and dresses accordingly

Paparazzi takes picture of little girl (which is pretty weird when you think about it)

Newspaper critiques little girl’s clothes (which is also, pretty fucking weird)

Cleavage!

Nudes in brief: Kendall Jenner  

And finally: Woman wears wig

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

 

   

The news in brief 29th November 2014:

The news in brief:

Exclusive: general public don’t seem to realise that it’s not December

Newspaper dictates what you’ll enjoy next year

Supermarket invents Black Saturday

Minor fender-bender blown out of all proportion (glad everyone’s all right though)

Shock: singers look older ten years later

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Website confuses product placement for news

Alternative arrangements for sick teenager pretty piss poor

Egypt starting to look a bit hairy

Sleeping pills to blame for criminal activity (maybe)

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Driver forgets how friction works

Corrupt landlord rents out Ewok village

Yesterday: KIDS IN TYNE AND WEAR TESTED FOR EBOLA!

Today: a tiny article buried under the main stories, telling us they’re all clear.

Squirrel terrorises playground

Nightmare spa doesn’t sound at all relaxing

Newspaper helpfully labels cannabis factory

Study states the obvious: keep your fucking kitchen clean

Nudes in brief: Bai Ling

And finally: Thai police wage war on parasols

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

 

   

The news in brief 28th November 2014

The news in brief Black Friday special:

Well done Britain. You've successfully commercialised another holiday. And this one wasn't even ours!

'A customer in a wheelchair has had a TV dropped on them and a security guard has been punched' - Sky News 28.11.2014

‘Because only in America [do] people trample each other for sales exactly one day after being thankful for what they already have – Codeblack Comedy, via Facebook 28.11.2014

‘Get in there fast and if anyone gets in your way, catch them with your elbow’ – Genuine overheard conversation between two little old ladies.  

Police called to supermarket to break up pillaging idiots

Shoppers desperate for cut-priced consumer goods break the Internet

Website condemns Black Friday madness but kinda condones it too

People apparently need lots of TVs

And in other news:

Man’s inhumanity to buffalo continues apace

Woman forgets how to parent

Newspaper enjoys a bit of cyberbullying

Study states the obvious: watching the telly is NOT exercise

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Stop the presses: snow forecast for December

Anonymous weirdo probably a crackpot

Internet loses its shit over movie trailer

Deadly dihydrogen monoxide kills 1000 people a day!

Science is fucking awesome: black hole appears to piss all over laws of physics

Nudes in brief: Irina Shayk

And finally: Finland legalise people marrying the people they love  

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 26th November 2014

 A blog post from the archives:

Man am I sick of this one. Just to be clear:

"A controversy emerged over changing the language of 'Baa Baa Black Sheep' in Britain from 1986, because, it was alleged in the popular press, it was seen as racially dubious. This was based only on a rewriting of the rhyme in one private nursery as an exercise for the children there and not on any local government policy. A similar controversy emerged in 1999 when reservations about the rhyme were submitted to Birmingham City Council by a working group on racism in children's resources, which were never approved or implemented. Two private nurseries in Oxfordshire in 2006 altered the song to "Baa Baa Rainbow Sheep", with black being replaced with a variety of other adjectives, like "happy, sad, hopping" and "pink". Commentators have asserted that these controversies have been exaggerated or distorted by some elements of the press as part of a more general campaign against political correctness."

And before anyone points out its from Wikipedia, here's the source material. Check it for yourselves.

Curran, J.; Petley, J.; Gaber, I. (2005). Culture wars: the media and the British left. Edinburgh: Edinburgh University Press. pp. 85–107. ISBN 0748619178.
Cashmore, E. (2004). Encyclopedia of Race and Ethnic Studies. London: Taylor & Francis. p. 321. ISBN 0415286743.
"Nursery opts for 'rainbow sheep'". BBC News Education. 2006-03-07. Retrieved 2008-02-04.

Seriously. I'd appreciate greatly if petty hatemongers on the Internet got their facts straight before they made arguments that made them sound like dangerous fucktards.

The news in brief 25th November 2014

The news in brief:

Mad suggestion that we should help people with a mental illness BEFORE they hurt people

Apparently, average reader only manage first sentence before getting angry and commenting

Internet literally full of ignorant cunts   

No really – guns do kill people

Media helps propel self-fulfilling prophecy

Ebola!  

Minor customer service issue handled appropriately by supermarket is somehow news

I know it’s not Sunday but ‘Man uses public transport’

Study states the obvious: junk food is bad for you

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Government clearly hasn’t seen Winter Soldier yet…

Sleeping naked will save us all!

Nobody wants to lend money to far-right crackpots

Medieval justice system ruins another life

The whole Internet loses its shit over another trailer

Nudes in brief: Carmen Electra

And finally: Earth tries to eat Australia

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

 

   

The news in brief 24th November 2014

The news in brief:

Newspaper glorifies war

Real hero still largely unrecognised

No shit: discount retailer sells things at a discount

Product placement is NOT news

Architect a bit short-sighted

Medieval morality reverts to the Stone Age

Study states the obvious: bed-surfing is not conducive to studying

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

News website finds article from 1892…

Internet loses its shit over movie trailer

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

BBC remembers those Occupy guys…

Home secretary clearly hasn’t seen Winter Soldier

Apparently planning laws are more like guidelines

Baby survives against all odds   

Study suggests vegetables are good for you

Teachers allegedly a bit heavy handed

Google secretly working on Skynet (maybe)

Nation finds it hard to comprehend that women are, in fact, people

Nudes in brief: Lara Bingle

And finally: BMI condemns perfectly healthy little boy  

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 23rd November 2014

The news in brief celebrity special:

Woman dresses appropriately for the weather

Photographer intrudes on woman’s vacation

Model poses for photograph

Journalist’s private life somehow our business now

Woman doesn’t dress appropriately for the weather

Wild speculation (I mean, she could be on the phone to her doctor for all you know…)

Woman updates social media

Woman wears dress

Stop the press: celebrity gets voted off reality TV show

Photographer intrudes on family day out

Look here, The Daily Mail, Seth Rogan isn’t being a ‘helpful husband’ by ‘helping his wife with the groceries,’ unless you’re implying that food shopping is the woman’s job…   

Scandal: Actor wears comfortable clothes  

Shock: child looks a bit like her mum…

Pregnant woman looks pregnant

Actress has legs

Cleavage!

Woman wears comfortable clothes – why is this news?!

Woman has hair cut

Hold the front page: man owns tracksuit

Nudes in brief: Miley Cyrus  

And finally: designer not so good at Christmas

Reading the news so you don’t have to…