The news in brief:
Politicians promise not to lie (if you vote them in)
Lowlands near rivers 'more prone to flooding'
Religion's bodycount continues to mount
Dolphins are totally stoners, man
Rural areas are a bit harder to get to
Perfectly good graph ignored in favour of reactionary outrage
Celebrity sick of people bleating about their first world problems
Newspaper squeezes every stereotype going into one headline
Who 'ya gonna call?
Diana Watch: still dead
Traumatic footage used in music video
Campaign for common sense misunderstood
Carbohydrates are EVIL!
Halloumi cheese doesn't even taste like chicken
£25 fine becomes £300 if you act like a wanker in court
Duct tape fixes everything
Nudes in brief: Amy Childs
Woman has huge arse
Reading the news so you don't have to...
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Monday, 30 December 2013
Sunday, 29 December 2013
The news in brief 29th December 2013
The news in brief celebrity special:
Person's weight fluctuates
Outrage as frail old lady doesn't spend too long on her feet
Anonymous internet bastards are bastards
Man wears coat
People's Instagram pictures are news now?!
Paparazzi intrude on family shopping trip
Moody teenager's social media sparks wild, unfounded speculation
Paparazzi intrudes on friends having fun
Woman conforms to media's narrow definition of beauty
Person gets better job
Boy gets dog
Man walk in park with son
Woman wears swimsuit
Singer fails to look photogenic 100% of the time
Performer performs at performance
Woman drinks beverage near a man!
Woman wears skirt
Paparazzi catches actress wearing hat and sunglasses (shock horror)
Actress pops to the shops
Man drinks coffee
Reading this shit so you don't have to...
Person's weight fluctuates
Outrage as frail old lady doesn't spend too long on her feet
Anonymous internet bastards are bastards
Man wears coat
People's Instagram pictures are news now?!
Paparazzi intrude on family shopping trip
Moody teenager's social media sparks wild, unfounded speculation
Paparazzi intrudes on friends having fun
Woman conforms to media's narrow definition of beauty
Person gets better job
Boy gets dog
Man walk in park with son
Woman wears swimsuit
Singer fails to look photogenic 100% of the time
Performer performs at performance
Woman drinks beverage near a man!
Woman wears skirt
Paparazzi catches actress wearing hat and sunglasses (shock horror)
Actress pops to the shops
Man drinks coffee
Reading this shit so you don't have to...
Saturday, 28 December 2013
The news in brief 28th December 2013
The news in brief Horoscope special:
Aries: Chill the fuck out
Taurus: You need a holiday
Gemini: Stop spending money, bitch
Cancer: You gonna get some sexy time
Leo: Chill the fuck out; you need a holiday
Virgo: You gonna get some sexy time, but stop spending money, bitch
Libra: You need a holiday, but keep an eye on the old folk
Scorpio: Chill the fuck out
Sagittarius: Chill the fuck out
Capricorn: Chill the fuck out
Aquarius: Put down the fork
Pisces: Stop chilling the fuck out
Reading the horoscopes so you don't have to...
Aries: Chill the fuck out
Taurus: You need a holiday
Gemini: Stop spending money, bitch
Cancer: You gonna get some sexy time
Leo: Chill the fuck out; you need a holiday
Virgo: You gonna get some sexy time, but stop spending money, bitch
Libra: You need a holiday, but keep an eye on the old folk
Scorpio: Chill the fuck out
Sagittarius: Chill the fuck out
Capricorn: Chill the fuck out
Aquarius: Put down the fork
Pisces: Stop chilling the fuck out
Reading the horoscopes so you don't have to...
Thursday, 26 December 2013
Breaking news
Breaking news: woman doesn't understand the meaning of Christmas, money management or personal responsibility
Wednesday, 25 December 2013
Breaking news
Breaking news: Peace on Earth and Goodwill to all men shattered by now-traditional Yuletide bombing :(
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