The news in brief Eurovision special:
Pretty sure the host just said he can eat corpse again?!
Another one bites the dust, hey Belgium?! Also she's shit
Czech Republic went to the Adele school of can we not, I see
Netherlands borrowed a set from Doctor Who and a song from Conway Twiddy
Dear Azerbaijan, you will need a miracle!
Hungary's backing singers have been the highlight so far…
Italy's entrant is the least offensive thing so far. This is not a compliment.
Israel nicked Peter Davidson's special effects and Evanescence's song
Unleash the gyrobikes!
Bulgaria's rocking the Tron set dressing and the traffic sign earrings.
She's really keen on bicycle safety
Sweden had better be fucking sorry
Helpful instructions are always good
Germany going for the Nightmare before Christmas meets Sailor Moon
I think those backing singers are going to send her to the Phantom Zone
French guy just did a superhero landing on a moon. Goddamned Hardcore. Shame the song’s shit.
Are those bagpipes?!
Dear Poland, only Freddie Mercury can be Freddie Mercury.
Flash up more random words!
AUSTRALIA?! That special guest that came for dinner and are still here three days later.
Australia's entrant has access to JARVIS and ALL THE SEQUINS!
Cyprus trying to capture the spirit of Lordi and aren't sucking.
Isn't this a Kelly Clarkson song?
SEIZURE BOTS ATTACK!
Terrible ballard, weird dancers, sinnister backing singers... Serbia wheeling a cut-and-paste Eurovision classic.
Lithuania's been wetting for this nice? Wait? What?!
Tree Fu Tom is kicking the shit out of this one
Croatia just pulled a technopunk bucks fizz.
LOOK OUT FOR THOSE ASSASSINS!
Credit where it's due Russia. Great performance
Excuse me whilst I ride my space iceberg
Spain, basketball vests are not formal wear. Even if they're sparkly and sequined
Sampling music from Goldeneye 64 is a nice touch
Malta's Maria Carey clone is trying her best to ignore the terrible dancer
Georgia hoping all the strobes will distract from the terrible wankfest
The White Stripes called, they want their everything back...
This sounds like pokémon battle music
This is the first time I've heard our entry. On behalf of the Queen, Paddington Bear and Uncle Bulgaria, I'd like to apologise
Dick and Dom: the musical.
Armenia's superhero costume is pretty fierce. Shame about the everything else
MY GOD WOMAN, STOP TOUCHING YOURSELF!
The halftime show was pure comedy genius. Worth the two and a half hour shitshow beforehand. Bravo.
Sweden loves a bit of Brasseye and so do we
Holy Christ, we're actually doing alright?!
We didn’t win
Staying up to watch this shit so you don’t have to…
