The news in brief 8th July 2015

The news in brief:

Continuing with our week of guest posts from the Summary Squirrel; here is his in-depth commentary about today's budget announcements:

The news in brief 7th July 2015

The news in brief:

Sorry about the lack of update last night. We guess this is what happens when you leave blogging to an invertebrate...

The news in brief 6th July 2015

The news in brief:

Due to other commitments, The news in brief is taking a short break and we'll be back next week, but don't worry - the Summary Squirrel is totally guest spotting for us and he'll be keeping you up-to-date with the most important issues, and stuff about lettuce, I suppose...

The news in brief 5th July 2015

The news in brief celebrity special:

Child gets christened

People look quite perky at family gathering

Photographer takes pictures of a two year old

Two outfits are a little bit similar

Woman wears dress

Woman wears hat

Wild speculation about family dynamics

Breaking news: friends’ kids spend time together

Paparazzi intrudes on family day out

Woman conforms to media’s narrow definition of beauty

Woman updates social media

Newspaper likes woman’s clothes. Man’s clothes not worthy of comment

Couple caught holding hands in public!

Stop the press: people wear loose fitting clothes during heat wave

Woman pops to the shops (and has her body appraised by a national newspaper, and her photograph taken by a photographer with a long lens shared on the Internet, and just for good measure they take a picture of her ten-year old daughter as well. How exactly is this in the public interest?!)

Paparazzi intrudes on perfectly unremarkable family gathering

Woman wears bikini

“Woman shows off her petit figure” more like “Woman goes outside dressed for the heat”  

Wardrobe malfunction (do people just follow celebrity woman around with cameras poised just in case an errant gust of wind accidently flashes a bit of knicker…?)

Just putting it out there, but taking a picture of two people you don’t know kissing is actually a little bit weird…

Nudes in brief: Ryan Seacrest’s girlfriend… she does actually have a name, but apparently it’s not worth including in the headline

Diana Watch 2015: christening inexplicably twisted back to Diana

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 3rd July 2015

The news in brief:

Study states the obvious: you’re getting old

Britain still having trouble with the French connection

Medieval morality still treats women like shit

Church surprises no-one

Your kindergarten wants to know what now?!

Budget will save us all!

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Pro tip: you can be right without being a cunt about it

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Product placement is still not news

Spider armada!

Advert is hilariously offensive (or is it offensively hilarious?)

Nothing solves a problem quite like victim blaming

Parents forget how to parent

Police might have been a little bit racist

Mad suggestion people should be paid enough to pay their bills

Political correctness gone mad

Bureaucracy: 1, Common sense: 0 

Economy still pretty shit.

Budget will kill us all!

Breaking news: it’s fucking hot out

Nudes in brief: obligatory shots of young women in bikinis to demonstrate that it’s fucking hot out. 

And finally: couple married for 75 years die in each other’s arms

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 2nd July 2015

The news in brief:

In what is fast becoming a terribly rant-y week, The news in brief would like to clear up a misunderstanding.

Feminism is the sincere belief that men and women are equals and should be treated as such.

It does NOT mean that we must always modify our behaviour towards women to match the behaviour we demonstrate towards men.

When the men’s World Cup football team loses, we imply that the squad are over-paid, over-sexed, club-footed Neanderthals who don’t know Maradona from a meatball marinara or the offside rule from offsite parking. We slate them in the news and we abuse them on social media.

Yet when our women’s World Cup football team loses, we offer outpourings of sympathy and our heartfelt condolences for our defeated lionesses. Is this sexist? Maybe it is, but it’s certainly not our behaviour towards our female players that needs to change.

Because we’ve been ignoring them long enough.

In other news:

Terrible sandwich is terrible

Won’t somebody think of the terrorists?!

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Theme park is having a pretty shitty time

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Newspaper exploits man’s tragic death in an industrial accident to spread fear-mongering bullshit

Study states the obvious: there sure is a lot of porn on that Internet

Attack of the terrifying small fluffy animal

Fracking will kill us all!

Nudes in brief: Pixie Lott

And finally: if the wind so much as blows over a tree down London way, it’s front page news. When hailstones the size of tennis balls smash up cars, windows and conservatories and lightning destroys a house here in the North East, the media doesn’t give a flying fuck…  

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 1st July 2015

The news in brief:

The Summary Squirrel sums up the day’s most burning issue: