The news in brief 7th March 2014

The news in brief:

River catches fire

William Shatner is awesome

Woman makes reckless irresponsible life choice (and now wants the government to curb our freedoms)

Drinking acid ‘generally not a good idea’

Paper must read The news in brief because photos of Fracking protesters make a welcome return

A Fucking RIVER catches fire!

MPs agree people shouldn't be expected to read signs

13 year old boy makes working fusion reactor

A fucking RIVER catches fucking FIRE!

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Russia situation still 'pretty hairy'

Internet mocks Prime Minister

Terms and conditions 'a bit heavy handed'

South Park game surprises no-one

No shit: man takes weapon with him whilst investigating an intruder

Russia makes mad suggestion that people should determine who they are ruled by...

Prepare for an Internet meltdown: Facebook to change its interface.

Outrage as school makes logical provisions for most challenging cases

So, yeah, the Winter Paralympics are still on…

Shark goes nowhere near Cornwall

Newspaper not so hot with averages

Woman suggests that freedom is everyone’s right

Diana Watch 2014: her personal chef looks to make a quick buck. She’s still dead.

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 6th March 2014:

The news in brief:

No shit Sherlock: caramel is bad for you

But apparently Saturated fats aren't

Technology used to better all mankind

Canadians have style

Government suggests new tax during a recession?!

Spoilt bitch thinks the world owes her a living

People have forgotten all about Badgers, Fracking and Syria

Religion's bodycount kicks it up a notch

New dinosaur!!!!

Would you spend $5000 to prove you're a cunt?

Nuclear power stations should probably be maintained

Woman likes babies

Police a bit Taser happy

Shock: spring is warmer than winter

Daredevil frog

Family tragedy is somehow our business

Man succeeds by working hard

Sudden outbreak of common sense

Evolutionary theory is not new

Banker makes money

Until death us do part - but not your spunk

Russian situation remains 'hairy'

Disturbed mind has a disturbed bedroom

Ritual slaughter ‘not for everyone’

School rules 'a bit Victorian'

Man's inhumanity to man continues apace

Nudes in brief: Nicki Minaj

Man (allegedly) fucks dog

McFrivolous law suit

People act like pricks on the Internet

Diana Watch 2014: dead, but still rocking the colour supplements

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 5th March 2014

The news in brief:

It's alive: ancient virus from the before times

Giant snake versus crocodile

Sandwiches are not the enemy

161 year-old typo corrected

History repeats itself

Russian situation getting ‘a bit hairy’

Man's learns the hard way that his bosses read the news

Culinary jingoism

Gruesome images are gruesome  

Kid loves dustcarts a little too much

Football brings the world together

Space is fucking awesome

Sherbet is a gateway drug

Endless repeats of Family Guy made homeless

Further plans to erode personal responsibility

News begrudgingly accepts that Russia might have a point

Science kicks AIDS’ into touch

Headteacher a bit strict

Spring weather ‘a lot less wintery’

Religion’s bodycount steadily increasing

Bureaucratic nit-picking ruins family home

Newspaper would totally be on the other side if the homeowners weren’t gypsies…     

Pope drops the F-bomb

UKIP councillor okay with apartheid (apparently)

Nudes in brief: everyone seems to have their clothes on. Weird.

Rogue state surprises no-one

Diana Watch 2014: pretty sure she’s still dead

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

  

The news in brief 4th March 2014

Sorry about the lack of The news in brief last night. I was a bit unwell and just needed to go to bed after a long day at work. To fill the gap here's an entry from The news in brief's sister publication: Christine's Kitchen

 

Slow Cooked Pulled Pork

I will admit it. I watch far too many food related programmes and thanks to cable television, a lot of it is American. Because of this I have seen pulled pork too many times to even consider listing them. So I decided to make a load of it myself. There is many different recipes out there, and 2 main methods of cooking, either in the oven, or in the slow cooker, you can do it on a BBQ, but I live in the North of England, there is no way I will ever get good weather to hold long enough to slow cook pork.. I am in love with my slow cooker, so I had to do it that way. Warning to impatient people out there, this recipe involves cooking it overnight. This is a lesson in delayed gratification.

The best way to eat this is to steal it when no one is looking and hope you get away with it. However, guests tend not to like it when you do that, so you could put it in sandwiches with good coleslaw and apple sauce (recipe here for apple sauce). Serve with baked potatoes and BBQ sauce, or just part of a good table buffet.

Ingredients

Enough Pork Shoulder for everyone you want to feed.
(About 4oz/115g per person - but I would make more - it will be eaten)
2-3 apples, any kind really I like granny smiths
Cider Vinegar, or any apple based vinegar really
Plenty of Salt
a tsp of pepper
a tsp garlic powder
Bay leaf

 
 
 
 



 Method

• Cut up the apples into wedges, doesn't matter about size or shape, you are not actually going to eat them
•  Throw the pork skin side up onto the apple and then half cover with water and about 4 table spoons of vinegar
• Put in a good load of salt - about 3-4 teaspoons, it seems a lot but don't worry you don't actually eat it all (I don't mean to sound like Jamie Oliver)
• Put the garlic powder, bay leaf and pepper in too. 
• Put the lid on and put on high for about 2 hours

After the two hour are up you can take the skin off, put it to one side to make crackling. Always a crowd pleaser is good crackling, very naughty food but totally worth the guilt. 

• After two hours turn the heat to medium. Go to bed at this point or go out which ever is best for you because you need to leave it alone for at least 10 hours. Yes 10. You were told this was not a recipe for the impatient. 

 Once it done take it out of the slow cooker and use two forks to pull it apart (hence the name!) and put it into a oven suitable dish and cover it up. I tend to use foil takeaway trays with cardboard lids, they work a treat. You can let it cool ready to use a little later. 

• Once it is in it's tray and you are getting ready to serve it, put it in the oven on about 160-180c for about 30 mins, it both warms it through and gives the end bit a little crisp for added texture. 

 I always find it better to make more than you need because it is so easy to eat that it will be devoured!

 

The news in brief 3rd March 2014

The news in brief – red carpet special:

Woman wears dress

Woman wears dress

Woman falls over in dress

Woman wears dress

Woman wears dress

Woman wears dress

Woman wears dress

Woman wears dress

Woman wears dress

Woman wears dress

Cumberbatched!

Woman wears dress

Woman wears dress

Woman wears dress

Woman wears dress

Woman wears dress

Woman wears dress

Touching tribute

Woman wears dress

Woman wears dress

Woman wears dress

Woman wears dress

Man wears shorts

Watching the Oscars so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 2nd March 2014

What a depressing news day, war and murder everywhere; thank shitting crikey for The news in brief Celebrity special:

Scandal: Couple go out for the night and leave the baby with a sitter

Woman wears bikini

Actress not dressed for the weather

Recently dumped woman caught not smiling

Woman wears lipstick

Singer indulges in a spot of product placement

Celebrity caught wearing casual clothes

Radio star wears colourful skirt

Breakdown of long term relationship is our business for some reason

Singer appears to have forgotten about fruit

Expectant mother updates Twitter

Shock: adults stay out late

Man gets sunburn

Woman changes dress

Actress not wearing heels

Woman fails to live us to media’s narrow definition of beauty

Sports star modifies her face because of media’s narrow definition of beauty – and the Internet trolls it spawned

Mother and daughter go outside TOGETHER!

Do the police not read newspapers?!

Consenting adult in long-term relationship may or may not be pregnant

Actress has legs

Woman lives up to media’s narrow definition of beauty

Three women wear kinda-sorta similar dresses

Man wears scarf!

Trawling through this shit so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 1st March 2014

The news in brief – exclusive exposé

Like every God-fearing Daily Mail reader, The news in brief has been sweating bollocks worrying about the hidden sugars in our foods. So, we went undercover into a nice respectable supermarket and checked out some of the nation’s favourites:

Baked beans:

We found them pretty quickly.

Cornflakes:

 

There they are! 

Orange juice:  

  

Found them!

Tomato soup:

Turns out they were on the label the whole time.

Debunking the bullshit so you don’t have to…