Today’s news in brief:
World leader has been very naughty (allegedly)
Burglar rubbish at hiding
Newspaper adds more drama to morbid fanfiction
Cinema snacks are fucking expensive
Dirty bastard gets what he deserves
Swan doesn't give a shit
Fat people are supposed to be harder to kidnap
Racist prick is both racist and a prick
‘Safe spaces,’ getting a teeny bit out of hand
Man's inhumanity to man continues apace
Chimps probably don't have organised religion
Religion's bodycount continues to mount
Skynet having a bash at journalism now
Weed will save us all
Passenger bites off more than he can chew
Hate wizard continues inexplicable march towards victory
Study states the obvious: magicians are good at magic tricks
Diana Watch 2016: face appears on a tee-shirt. Still dead.
Stars in their bras: Bella Hadid
And finally: article suggest Rick Astley stopped being cool at some point…?!
Reading the news so you don't have to…
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