Today’s news in brief:
Government continues to sell off your stuff
Affordable housing is for wusses says MPs
Presidential candidate no longer funny
Correspondents medically incapable of reading the article
Funny how there's not enough money for food, but there is enough money for terrifying megaweapons
Breaking news: it's probably all lies
More scaremongering bullshit
Religion's bodycount continues to mount
Horrible woman forgets how to person
North East of England continues to be a tiny bit wet
Wintery weather forecast until at least spring
Man's inhumanity to man continues apace
German PM has suspicious package (sorry)
God determined to stop wedding
BBC calls MP a hunt
LOTTERY FEVER!!!
Hunters, woodsman and outdoorsmen ‘threatened' with power cut…
Study states the obvious: peering into your petrol tank with a lighter is a Very Bad Idea
Stop sharing clickbait you gullible buttguffs
Nudes in brief: Vicky Pattison
And finally: great news - black pudding is a superfood!
Reading the news so you don’t have to…
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