The news in brief:
Attack of the giant, undead Canadian goldfish
The Queen is a stone-cold badass. And that’s why we love
her!
Great news: beer might be good for you
Hover fucking board!
Speeder bikes!
Pro tip: porcupine is bad for you
Russia
situation getting a little ‘cold war-ish’
Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace
Apparently France
is just terrible…?
88 year old veteran takes no shit
Government accused of naughty goal-post shifting
Wild Ostrich appeared!
Species desperate to go extinct decides to give survival one
more go
Religion’s bodycount continues to mount
If this happened to a woman it wouldn’t be funny…
Newspaper wheels out a scaremongering fluff piece to fill
out its pages (pretty sure we found the testicle-eating fish last year…)
Greece
it’s the time, it’s the place, it’s the moment
Videogames getting the blame again – Super Mario unavailable
for comment*
Economy still pretty shit
Cling film will kill us all
Newspaper wheels out a sexist meme from like, 2004, to fill
out its pages
Political correctness gone mad
Nudes in brief: Shanina Shaik
And finally: saddest wedding of all time shows us that there
is still much love in world...
Reading the news so
you don’t have to…
*Super Mario was unavailable for comment, but an anonymous
source did have the following to say:
“Wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga
wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga
wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga
wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga
wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga
wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga wagga”
He wouldn’t give us his name, but he did pop a pill before
chasing off after some ghosts…
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