The news in brief:
HAPPY NEW YEAR, FUCKENDS!
Reading the news so you don't have to...
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Wednesday, 31 December 2014
Tuesday, 30 December 2014
The news in brief 29th and 30th December 2014
The news in brief:
Tragedy in the air
Newspapers exaggerate Ebola threat
Toy does look a lot like a giant cock
US President doesn't actually plan his own holidays
Attention-seeking hyper-bitch at it again
Internet loses its shit over movie prop
Big businesses don't like competition
Medieval morality plans to disfigure a human being - for 'justice'
Religion's bodycount continues to mount
Chief Executive tells the media exactly where they can stick it
Turns out James Bond doesn't actually exist (we checked)
Remember: guns don't kill people...
Study states the obvious: childcare is fucking expensive
Economy a bit shit
Man's inhumanity to man continues apace
Economy makes retailer skimp on the sandwiches
Toilet is pretty fucking nice
Councils spend money patronising tenants
New eco-products are shit
Seriously, you bigoted fucks, breastfeeding isn't evil
That had better be some seriously epic wrapping paper
Apparently aliens have been popping round for years
Drug lords have some pretty nice shit
Nudes in brief: Cheyenne Tozzi
And finally: Come to think of it £5.94 is still pretty fucking pricey for some wrapping paper - what were you wrapping? a house?!
Reading the news so you don't have to....
Tragedy in the air
Newspapers exaggerate Ebola threat
Toy does look a lot like a giant cock
US President doesn't actually plan his own holidays
Attention-seeking hyper-bitch at it again
Internet loses its shit over movie prop
Big businesses don't like competition
Medieval morality plans to disfigure a human being - for 'justice'
Religion's bodycount continues to mount
Chief Executive tells the media exactly where they can stick it
Turns out James Bond doesn't actually exist (we checked)
Remember: guns don't kill people...
Study states the obvious: childcare is fucking expensive
Economy a bit shit
Man's inhumanity to man continues apace
Economy makes retailer skimp on the sandwiches
Toilet is pretty fucking nice
Councils spend money patronising tenants
New eco-products are shit
Seriously, you bigoted fucks, breastfeeding isn't evil
That had better be some seriously epic wrapping paper
Apparently aliens have been popping round for years
Drug lords have some pretty nice shit
Nudes in brief: Cheyenne Tozzi
And finally: Come to think of it £5.94 is still pretty fucking pricey for some wrapping paper - what were you wrapping? a house?!
Reading the news so you don't have to....
Sunday, 28 December 2014
The news in brief 28th December 2014
The news in brief celebrity special:
Woman dresses appropriately for the weather
Woman updates social media
Woman fails to conform to media's narrow definition of beauty
General public not overly sure where vaginas live
Haters gotta hate
Shocker: celebrities have to do normal shit too
Paparazzi rubs former celebrities woes in her face
Concerns over Dalek's sexuality
Consenting adults share quick kiss (in the street and everything, how very dare they?!)
Apparently celebrity's kids are interesting now
Woman wears dress
Newspaper approves of woman's outfit
Paparazzi catches woman popping out WITHOUT makeup
Photographer intrudes on family day out
Attention-seeking hyper-bitch version 2.0 continues to offend the entire universe
Woman buys things from shop
Stop the press: couple has lunch
Woman doesn't dress appropriately for the weather
Outrage: couple holds hands!
Man wears hat
Pregnant woman probably not 'displaying' her bump
Singer gets off aeroplane
Couple drinks hot beverages outside
Actresses' daughter not 'showing off her lean figure' as much as 'shopping whilst wearing clothes'
Nudes in brief: Behati Prinsloo
And finally: cleavage selfies are apparently news now...
Reading the news so you don't have to...
Woman dresses appropriately for the weather
Woman updates social media
Woman fails to conform to media's narrow definition of beauty
General public not overly sure where vaginas live
Haters gotta hate
Shocker: celebrities have to do normal shit too
Paparazzi rubs former celebrities woes in her face
Concerns over Dalek's sexuality
Consenting adults share quick kiss (in the street and everything, how very dare they?!)
Apparently celebrity's kids are interesting now
Woman wears dress
Newspaper approves of woman's outfit
Paparazzi catches woman popping out WITHOUT makeup
Photographer intrudes on family day out
Attention-seeking hyper-bitch version 2.0 continues to offend the entire universe
Woman buys things from shop
Stop the press: couple has lunch
Woman doesn't dress appropriately for the weather
Outrage: couple holds hands!
Man wears hat
Pregnant woman probably not 'displaying' her bump
Singer gets off aeroplane
Couple drinks hot beverages outside
Actresses' daughter not 'showing off her lean figure' as much as 'shopping whilst wearing clothes'
Nudes in brief: Behati Prinsloo
And finally: cleavage selfies are apparently news now...
Reading the news so you don't have to...
Saturday, 27 December 2014
Breaking news
Breaking news: problems with Paddington causes havoc in London. Marmalade prices plummet.
The news in brief 27th December 2014
The news in brief:
Nation resorts to name calling
Racial slurrs are NOT cool
Entitled douchecunts forget the real meaning of Christmas
Boxing Day sales start Christmas Eve
Fairy tail banned for 'historical inaccuracy'
Hackers stole Christmas
Wintery weather grinds UK's infrastructure to a standstill
Terrorists apparently don't take Christmas off
Religion's bodycount continues to mount
Newspaper struggled to understand that 'different' and 'equal' aren't mutually exclusive
Man's inhumanity to man continues apace
The Queen kicks Doctor Who's wibbly wobbly Timelord ass
University worries escalated quickly
Previous article probably a hoax
More wintery weather due this winter
Trains delayed - London in chaos
Remember: homework is essential but after school tuition is child abuse?!
Study states the obvious: students have a lot on their plates.
Mother lambasted for sensible parenting decision
BBC warns of yellow snow
Medieval morality still treating women like shit
Panic: hackers can take control of your everything!
Economy still shit
Nudes in brief: Rihanna
And finally: The news in brief is reasonably sure Jesus wasn't a pig's head
Reading the news so you don't have to...
Thursday, 25 December 2014
The news in brief 25th December 2014
The news in brief:
Merry Christmas fuckers!
Not so much as looked at a newspaper so you don't have to....
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