The news in brief 31st January 2014

The news in brief 'something-is-wrong-with-this' special: 

1 person is (questionably) suspected of dying from smoking a substance and the media goes ballistic

100,000 people are confirmed dead from smoking a substance and that's all okay (just so long as they're in plain brown packets)

Not advocating anything, just reading the news so you don't have to...



p.s: Diana's probably still dead 

The news in brief January 29th and 30th 2014

The news in brief: 

Child has ridiculous name 

Media's war against teachers continues

Bureaucrats take lunches from school children

Ironic Facebook post

Nudes in brief: Shakira and Rihanna 

Tweets not to be taken literally

The Internet is evil

Weather still wintery

Peanut allergy defeated - by peanuts

Religion's bodycount continues to mount

Teachers can totally work more hours

Kids don't need to see their families

Shock as liberal opposes limit to personal freedom

Soft drink causes upset

Paparazzi don't know who everyone is

Survey states the obvious

Man's inhumanity to man continues apace 

Media reinforces gender stereotypes

Innocent man gets job

Minority (and totally awesome) subculture fights back

General public has no sense of humour

Breakfast is good for you

Paranoid ramblings presented as facts

78% of benefits claimants DON'T have a criminal record

Diana Watch 2014: still dead (crackpot theories not included)

Reading the news so you don't have to....


 

Breaking news

Breaking news: man doesn't understand supply and demand

The news in brief 28th January 2014

The news in brief:

Lucky student wins wasp

Woman makes poor life choice

One gran crime wave

Russian woman doesn't quite grasp liability laws

Economy a bit less shit


News of the World makes NSA look like amateurs

Google one step closer to becoming Skynet

Fictional man's clothes are news now

GCHQ checks Facebook

Man's inhumanity to man continues apace

Study suggest food is bad for you

Diana Watch 2014: 'still dead' 

Nudes in brief: Sienna Miller

Study suggest sleep is good for you

Religion's bodycount continues to mount 

Remember - you can't be sexy AND a good role model

Massive boat! 

You-know-who still missing

Pope is pretty cool

Comedian tells joke

Reading the news so you don't have to...  





 

The news in brief 27th January 2014

The news in brief 

Ex lover has disproportionate reaction 

Won't somebody think of the kidney?!

Birds clearly get irony

Watch out, Eagles about

Diana Watch 2014: uneducated. and dead

Panellist suggests newspaper is full of shit

Rich person owns old house

Newspaper not so hot at spelling

Religion's bodycount continues to mount

Public outcry at minor inconvenience

People outraged as bank does as it's told

General public are screaming banshees

MPs don't know if it's a good idea (let's give it a whirl anyway)

Mouthwash will kill you (suggests study of 19 people) 

Everything in your home is trying to kill you

MEP commits career suicide 

Tragic case condensed into misleading and sensationalised headline 

Man's inhumanity to man continues apace 

Parent blames mobile provider DESPITE HUNDREDS OF THESE FUCKING STORIES!

17, 18, 19 and 20 year olds are NOT children

Reading the news so you don't have to...

 

The news in brief 26th January 2014

The news in brief celebrity special:


Woman wears blue

Skating is news now

Woman buys knickers

Couple KISSES in public!

Man says something offensive on the Internet

Clothes were shit in the 90s

Woman has legs AND shorts

Humans enjoy coffee AT THE SAME TABLE

Woman wears knickers

Child in a whole bunch of trouble

Massive bellend has sense of humour

Woman goes to the shops

Celebrity acts like massive prick

Singers makes music video

Woman is a redhead now

Someone I never heard of has cosmetic surgery

Man wears casual shirt

Woman gets a bit chilly IN WINTER

Singer dresses like a whore

There are boobs everywhere

Reading the 'news' so you don't have to... 


 

The news in brief 25th January 2014

The news in brief extra:

Sometimes, just sometimes, the actual news is insane enough, that The news in brief team don't need to do anything to make it ridiculous:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2545770/New-book-claims-THIS-picture-proves-Hitler-escaped-Berlin-bunker-died-South-America-1984-aged-95.html

Enjoy.