The news in brief 31st August 2013

The news in brief Star Wars Special:

Rebels captured

Senate dissolved

Droids missing

Secret plans stolen

Look sir, droids!

Farmers murdered

Old man indoctrinates grieving child

These are not the droids you're looking for

Smuggler escapes capture

Defensive installation tested successfully on hostile target

Rebel leader liberated from space station

Grieving child promptly forgets murdered foster parents

Rebels destroy space station - millions murdered

No medal for Chewbacca

Reading the news from a long time ago, far far away so you don't have to...

The news in brief 30th August 2013

The news in brief:

Religion's bodycount continues to mount

PM lambasted for abiding by democratic decision

US gonna do what the US gotta do

Russia suggests that diplomacy is still a thing 

United Nations questions if anyone cares about their report

Newspaper confuses bombs with caring

Another childhood star charged with interfering with kids

Videogames don't make kids violent

Other hairless mammals get sunburn

Pop singer shows more skin

Teenagers detained over dirty towels

Apparently jetlag is a disease now

Actress goes topless

Pop singer's dad not happy

Knock-off gadgets might be dangerous

British public's short attention span forgets about fracking

And badgers

 Reading the news so you don't have to...

The news in brief 29th August 2013

The news in brief:

Religion's bodycount continues to mount

UK decides bombing someone without approval might be 'bad idea'

US begrudgingly agrees

Citizen's Advice Bureau too big for its boots

Life here might have started out there...

Phone networks launch phone network

Bank loses money

Celebrity couple splits

Gay couple dancing together is apparently news

Brits like tea

Expensive department stores both sell clothes

Grown man swears

Bad pubs should close

Prejudice attitudes not turned around in 12 months

Grown woman wets the bed

Singer doesn't wear skimpy clothes (how do they win?)

Actor buys lemonade

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The news in brief 28th August 2013

The news in brief:

World shitting itself over Syria

Religion's bodycount continues to mount

President recalls MLK whilst planning attacks, irony lost

Wombles!

Genius man makes money from cold calls

Crazy mind machine!

Hospital food a bit shit

No cheap houses left in London

Badger botherers burn police firing range

Women in pyjamas are sexy

Violent criminal has heart

Celebrity smokes a cigarette

Has-beens act like twats in a house

Woman wears new blouse

Whole-arse tattoo probably a bit much

Scientists grow a little brain

News channel spectacularly intolerant

Reading the news so you don't have to....

The news in brief 27th August 2013

The news in brief:

Religion's bodycount continues to mount

Xenomorph spotted on Church

Christians miss the point

Celebrity chef talks sense

Ancient city found in Himalayas

Children are shits

It's okay to run people over if you're young and successful

Another teacher caught canoodling with pupil

Boy plays cricket

Subtitles are a bit shit

UN suggests US should probably wait for their report

Scientology is fucking weird

Robot carers might be a thing

Dad upset that his daughter was a bit slutty

Pregnant woman goes outside

Reading the news so you don't have to.... 

 

The news in brief 26th August 2013

The news in brief MTV awards special:

Pop singer takes off clothes

Pop singer strips to bikini

3 minutes of scantily clad women gyrating is apparently a song

3 minutes of words that can't be played on the radio is apparently a song

Will. Smith.

Canadian imp wears hats

Grown woman swears!

Screaming

Celebrities dress like tossers

Camera implies possibly litigious drama

Man chews gum

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The news in brief 25th August 2013

The news-in-brief:

Religion's bodycount continues to mount

Actor to play fictional character

Armchair pundits know more about Batman than creators

Old woman dies

Dispute is settled out of court

Study states the bleeding obvious

Research also states the obvious

Holy shit, Brooklyn Beckham is 14?!

Man planning to propose





Arsehole revealed to be even bigger arsehole

Model didn't age well (apparently this is news?)

Pregnant woman puts hand on bump

Fashion model speaks common sense

Cricket!

Slavery apparently not illegal

Wild speculation about unknown phonecall





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