The news in brief 22nd October 2015:

The news in brief:

Sugar will kill us all

Politician surprises no-one

Good news for nap lovers

Annual occurrence inexplicably still news

Misleading headline

Poster makers had one job!

Medieval mortality ruins another life

Parents forget how to parent

Film probably didn't predict 9/11

tNiB approves of coffee shop's name

Religion's bodycount continues to mount

Social media is the new video games

Breaking news: government officials not at work 100% of the day

Man's inhumanity to man continues apace

Economy not as shit as it was (so long as you're happy to look the other way…)

Study states the obvious: stress is bad for you

Pro tip: emotional availability is good for your relationship

Product placement is NOT news

Nudes in brief: Gwyneth Paltrow

And finally: Nazi doll is probably just a coincidence

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The news in brief 21st October 2015

The news in brief: 

The Summary Squirrel gets straight to the heart of today's headlines...

The news in brief 20th October 2015

The news in brief:

New Star Wars trailer!

New Star Wars trailer!

New Star Wars trailer!

New Star Wars trailer!

New Star Wars trailer!

OMG! The new Star Wars trailer!

New Star Wars trailer!

New Star Wars trailer!

New Star Wars trailer!

New Star Wars trailer!

Study states the obvious: new Star Wars trailer is fucking epic!

New Star Wars trailer!

New Star Wars trailer!

New Star Wars trailer!

New Star Wars trailer!

Pro tip: watch the new Star Wars trailer!

New Star Wars trailer!

Nudes in brief: unless there's a gold bikini we don't care!

And finally: crashed UFO clearly an upturned pizza oven

If you were looking for news, you're looking in Alderaan places...

The news in brief 19th October 2015

The news in brief:

Children encouraged to not speak like characters from a 70’s cop show

Political correctness gone mad

Think-tank entirely misses the point

Headteacher is a gigantic cunt

Bureaucracy: 1, Human kindness:0

Man's inhumanity to man continues apace

Parents forget how to person

Airports get pretty busy

Whales spotted in ocean!

Chillax everyone: Facebook’s got you covered

Scientologists have a lot of money

There sure are a lot of asteroids these days…

Bench vandals!

Pro tip: stop fucking killing the fucking elephants!

Skynet will soon control your bank account

Turns out we're not a nation of Benefits Scroungers after all

Drama gets a bit dramatic

Couple denied adoption for totally bullshit reasons

Sugar will kill us all

Soap will kill us all

Deodorant will kill us all

It's okay though: bacon is good for you

Stars in their bras: Lilah Parsons

And finally: FOAM FIGHT!!!

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The news in brief 18th October 2015

The news in brief celebrity special:

Family uses public transport

Family visits sick friend

Woman goes out with friend

Breaking news: man changes hair colour

Woman wears dress

Man caught going to work

Woman wears bikini

Couple goes on holiday TOGETHER

Celebrity couple have the audacity to not look happy 100% of the time

Couple goes outside

Woman conforms to media's narrow definition of beauty

Pregnant women looks a bit pregnant

Paparazzi intrudes on family day out

Stop the press: woman has boobs

Author writes book

Woman wears gym clothes TO THE GYM

Woman updates social media

Singer makes a shit load of money

Newsflash: woman stops to buy fruit juice

Woman's shirt is inexplicably newsworthy

Nudes in brief: Ola Jordan

And finally: newspaper continues to print photos of other people's kids

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The news in brief 16th October 2015

The news in brief:

Racist tirade caught on camera

World continues its descent into hell

Religion's bodycount continues to mount

It's all okay though - scientists say beer is good for you

After decades of war, carbs are no longer the enemy

Beware adverts for 'flatmates with benefits'

Family's baby pictures are somehow news

News oddly quiet about cancer breakthrough

Man's inhumanity to man continues apace

Newspaper quietly reinforces gender stereotypes

Bureaucracy gone mad!

Text-neck will kill us all!

Thanks Starbucks, but Italy's got this covered!

First world problems: all day breakfasts not going so well

Man likes parrot a little too much

Study states the obvious: sugar is bad for your teeth

Man's inhumanity to drones continues apace

Scaremongering bullshit

Models has had enough of media's narrow definition of beauty

Two-faced politician twat surprises no-one

Stars in their bras: Jodhi Meares

And finally: house does look a bit like the Millennium Falcon

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The news in brief 15th October 2015

The news in brief:

Rich fuckbag kills wild animal

Pilot is way cooler than you

Italy says it's okay to whack it at work!

Economy a little bit less shit

Religion's bodycount continues to mount

Scotland to get more Game of Thrones-y

Murdering bastards treat children like shit

Apparently being a terrorist isn't all croquet and cucumber sandwiches. Who knew!?

Man's inhumanity to man continues apace

Drug policy surprisingly lax

Spiders will kill us all!

Wintery weather forecast for the rest of the year

Cybercrimes on the rise. Skynet unavailable for comment.

CEO not so good at marketing

Man has dubious qualifications

Mad suggestion that we should protect our kids

Nothing says 'compassion' quite like a barbed wire fence

Rich man is pretty fucking rich

World's longest water slide looks totally unreal

Everyone loves kittens. Even gorillas.  

Stars in their bras: Lady Michelle Mone

And finally: the Mayor of London plays for keeps

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