The news in brief 22nd May 2014

The news in brief:

Hooray for democracy (unless it’s raining)

Hollywood types tend to have a lot of money

Vegetable becomes a popular baby name

Chinese media ace at name calling

Cleavage is NOT news

Woman probably shouldn’t have dared the Prime Minister

Cat brings home gift for the family

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Cinema continues its mission to remake every 80s franchise

Fracking (remember that?!) will kill us all

MP swears live on air

Man’s inhumanity to man shows no sign of stopping

Irish pubs are everywhere (except Ireland)

Happy ending to a sad story

Fracking the answer to all our prayers  

Study states the obvious: saving coupons could save you money

Parents prefer a nanny state to, you know, parenting

Remember: everything is someone else’s fault

Things get a bit hairy in the Koreas

Man leaves dark haiku, in the biscuits that he baked, then he quit his job

Man shows us that we are all capable of great kindness

Broadband. On the moon!?

Facebook comes a step closer to becoming Skynet

NHS has odd priorities

Nudes in brief: Amy Childs

Diana Watch 2014: probably still dead

Reading the news so you don’t have to….

  

   

The news in brief 21st May 2014

The news in brief:

Social media site has a pretty reasonable explanation for it faux pas

Turns out the French have a bunch of racist morons too

The Ebola virus is never cool

God gets on board with the whole social media thing

Political party haven’t quite worked out how Twitter works

Cyber criminals cause a hoo-hah

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Study states the obvious: fruit is good for you

Harrogate is quite nice

Nerds everywhere hyperventilate with excitement

Bizarre food issues

Legal business has tasteful adverts

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount 

Straight people continue to undermine the sanctity of marriage

Nudes in brief: Jessica Alba

Woman learns the hard way that brushing is important

Car thief surprisingly good driver

Aliens probably haven’t visited earth

Another benefit scapegoat scare story

Man eats sandwich

Self righteous middle class whiners

Political party continues its mission to offend everyone on earth

Attention-Seeking Hyper-Bitch a teeny bit racist

Google one step closer to being Skynet

Diana Watch 2014: Still ‘dead’

Reading the news so you don't have to... 

The news in brief 20th May 2014

The news in brief:

Who on earth throws a party at 14:30 on a weekday anyway?

Political party continues its missing to offend everyone on earth

Epic selfie

Shrewd kids make a killing with the trading cards

Remember – all men are monsters and all women are helpless victims  

Raphael is cool but rude; Michelangelo is a party dude

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Because it’s totally humane to chain a pregnant woman to a wall…

Social media site has a pretty fucking homophobic moment

Social media website that host the news in brief for free is okay by me *cough* *cough*

Sad story has a bittersweet ending

Man’s inhumanity to cats continues apace

Man’s inhumanity to man shows no signs of stopping either

Or badgers

Coffee set to get pretty fucking expensive

Arsehole father doesn’t know how to dad

Nudes in brief: Rosie Huntington-Whiteley  

Minor celebrity learns that the rules apply to him too

Consenting adults use their home for legal activity

Science is pretty damned cool

Pro tip: when you start working, you’re meant to stop claiming benefits…

Study states the obvious: people are selfish and greedy

Diana Watch 2014: ‘still’ dead

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 19th May 2014

The news in brief:

Armature cyclist learns what handlebars are for

Before time began, there was The Cube

More wild speculation

Bureaucracy: 0, common sense: 1 

Apparently there are still people out there who believe that whole vaccines cause autism thing

Shock: not every teenager on Earth is a hormone-fuelled sex maniac   

Not every granny on earth likes pink wafer biscuits and bingo either

Boy gets part time job

Leonardo leads and Donatello does machines (that’s a fact, Jack)

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Britain set to have some more weather

Turns out snakes will eat anything

Latest faux pas is flat out racist

Mad suggestion that all people might be equal

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Facebook continues its mission to become Skynet

Study states the obvious: salad is good for you

Bureaucratic jobsworths strike again  

Nudes in brief: Charlize Theron

Science is fucking awesome

Prime Minister entirely irrelevant to the story

Diana Watch 2014: probably still dead

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 18th May 2014

The news in brief celebrity special:

BAFTAs less about the British Academy of Film and Television Arts and more about who’s wearing what:

Woman wears silvery dress with fishy bit  

Woman wears white dress with sparkly bits  

Woman wears white dress without sparkly bits  

Woman wears black dress

Woman wears red dress

Woman wears sort-of-dotty dress

Woman wears a different black dress

Woman wears another black dress with grey bits  

Woman wears white and black dress

Woman wears black dress with a jacket  

Woman wears blue dress

Woman wears strips of material posing as a dress  

Editor – god forbid they were in some films or something…

Meanwhile: newspaper doesn’t like singer’s clothes

Woman wears appropriate outfit

Newspaper parades teenage girl like cattle

Man ties hair back whilst doing sports

Actress has the audacity to go out NOT looking glamorous

Celebrity wears casual clothes

Paparazzi catches TV personality putting petrol in her car

Person updates social media

Nudes in brief: Billie Piper

Shock: consenting adult couple have like, totally done it

Diana Watch 2014: still ‘dead’

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 17th May 2014

It is hotter than the surface of the sun :(

The news in brief 16th May 2014

The news in brief:

Medieval morality confuses compassion with fucking great slap in the face

More than loose change down the back of the sofa

Not all humans suck

Donation’s show no sign of stopping

Opinions on crockery masquerading as news

Losing 400,000 listeners is apparently good now?!  

Sad story has a happy ending

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

It probably cheaper to just treat the chickens nicely…

Shock: the Queen is a human being

Study states the obvious: but only because it was in the news this time last year

Healthy food is healthy

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Tiny beads of plastic will kill us all!  

Political party continues its mission to offend everyone of Earth

Common sense: 1, bureaucracy: 0 (maybe)

Nudes in brief: Amy Willerton

Group of adults legally buy drinks – nobody cares

Teacher learns the hard way that ‘black-face’ is NEVER cool

Evil nightmare super-bitch to get what’s coming to her

Meanwhile, another evil nightmare super-bitch doesn’t…  

Attack of the not-killer bees!

Diana Watch 2014: ‘still pretty dead’

Reading the news so you don’t have to…