The news in brief 8th September 2013

The news in brief:

Nurses be busy, yo

Tokyo celebrates massive financial burden

Frivolous lawsuit

Old couple go out

Doctors should probably talk good England

Britain suggests you can help people without bombing them

Scientists use twitter to figure out UK's mood

Stout advert yanks nation's heartstrings *sob*

Man gives daughter away at wedding

Princess Diana still dead

Armed guards don't recognise member of royal family

Scaremongering newspaper spreads unsubstantiated fear

Pope suggests bombing people is a Bad Idea

Man attends family event

News website runs advert for legal tax avoidance firm. Irony missed

Juice is as bad for you as aids (or something like that)

Celebrity harlot still making headlines

Hillsborough jokes are NOT funny.  But neither is censorship

Pope calls gay priest to tell him to chill out and be himself

Fish might have died

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The news in brief 7th September 2013

The news in brief Diana special:

Still dead

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The news in brief 6th September 2013

The news in brief:

Religion's bodycount continues to mount

Tunnel of terror!

Dead princess still making headlines

No frills airline to sell frilly tickets

Actors leave soap opera

Man loves insects

Margarine is bad for you

Old man dies

Celebrity uses umbrella in the rain

Small boobed singer goes braless

Actors join soap opera

Supermarkets want you to buy stuff

Video game character a big slutty

Weather a bit autumnal

Game released for phone

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The news in brief 5th September 2013

The news in brief:

Health and safety: 1 Common sense: 0

Insurance companies gleeful at 130 car pile up

Graduate made to throw shapes at interview

Religion's bodycount continues to mount

Woman wears dress

Newspaper highlight similarities to Diana dress

There are no similarities to Diana dress

Russian aid accurately describes UK

Baker makes cake

High street chain finds new way to make public fat

Blind guy probably shouldn't be driving

Overly litigious society sinks to new low

Expensive car is quite nice

Arty film a bit pretentious

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The news in brief 4th September 2013

The news in brief:

Packed lunches make you fat

Crowded schools to tag team pupils

Religion's bodycount continues to mount

Sick fuck can dish it out but can't take it

Union doesn't support Labour party

People would rather there be guns and knives and drugs than queue

Sleep is good for you

Woman wears unflattering top

Parents forget about Stranger Danger

Minimum wage isn't a whole lot of money

Think tank suggest slave labour is a Good Thing

Presenter has bad make-up

Paramedics forget to do job

Shouting at teens doesn't help

Millions spent on study proves the fucking obvious

MPs like vagina too

Newspaper demonises benefits claimants

New phone will come in many colours

Priest says something homophobic

TV pundit clearly has nothing better to do

Russia again suggests maybe waiting for the UN

Woman poses naked in women's magazine. Irony missed by all.

Sexy actress to play man eating alien

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The news in brief 2nd and 3rd September 2013

The news in brief:
 
Religion's bodycount continues to mount

Really old sick man still alive

Less old man dies

Another even less old man dies

Footballers swap teams

Newspaper takes advantage of grieving mother to sell papers

Schools might be getting a bit crowded

Teachers take usual 'they get six weeks holiday' flack

Building uses ancient Greek death ray on parked car

Robodolphin

Another celebrity in court for interfering with the kids

Strange noises from the sky

Woman wears short skirt

Ageing man gets a little chubby

Celebrity shows running out of celebrities

Potty training is NOT a teacher's job!

Big business buys another business

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The news in brief 1st September 2013

The news in brief W.T.F. special:

Terrapin rides alligator

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