Today’s news in brief:
‘Work until you die’ suggests man with comfortable job
Economic woes look set to deepen
Media's narrow definition of beauty not geographically consistent
Kids try to bamboozle the pope
Eurovision inexplicably still a thing
Students not so good at the whole irony thing
Pro tip: silencing any voice that disagrees with you is the exact opposite of liberal
Medieval morality continues to treat women like shit
Religion's bodycount continues to mount
Newspaper’s outpourings of sympathy apparently have geopolitical boundaries
Absolute bastard forgets how to human being
Man's inhumanity to man continues apace
Famous woman enjoys a bit of Internet porn... OH MY GOD WHO CARES?!
Blurry lights probably not aliens (except they totally could be)
Fraudulent dumbfuckery not that nice a tribute
Fizzy pop will kill us all
Runaway unicorn!
BBC in a whole mess of trouble
Mushrooms will save us all!
Stars in their bras: Holly Hagan
And finally: ‘ceasefire’ surprises no-one
Reading the news so you don’t have to…
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