The news in brief:
We’re back bitches!
Look, we spent awhile trying to come up with a funny headline for ‘pensioner guns down pensioner in care home,’ but none of them were in good taste, so we’re going to take the moral high ground and not use any of them, but by the Power of Greyskull, that’s awful
Entire North East of England says ‘we told you so’
Government learns definition of ‘false economy’
Nature really hates bridges
Absolute legend Killed by Death
Sarcastic bellend breaks the Internet
Brits fucking love cheese
Man’s inhumanity to man doesn’t give a shit that it’s Christmas
Skynet’s totally going to steal your job
BREAKING NEWS: pets breath the same air we do
Study strongly implies that wanking is amazing
Religion’s bodycount continues to mount
Government SNAFU surprises no-one
Economy still pretty fucked
Newspaper confuses cyberbullying for news
God hates hoverboards
People are offended by fucking everything
Nudes in brief: nearly Rita Ora
And finally: child takes bacon for the first time. Angels weep with joy
Reading the news so you don’t have to…
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