The news in brief 24th August 2015

The news in brief:

Unless you haven’t been paying attention (which you probably haven’t) a popular brand of baby wipes has been causing a bit of hysteria on the Internet. Apparently shards of glass have been found in some packets and whilst it’s probably just clumps of Sodium Methylparaben (which is a food additive and found in blueberries) there’s nothing like an Internet meltdown to get people up in arms.

So, we did some actual investigative journalism (for a change) and this is what we found:

This is a picture of a pair of baby wipes from that same popular brand. Everything seems normal so far:   

But if you look really closely, you can see something shiny:

A set of god-damned house keys! But that's not the worst of it! If you look even closer still, you can just about make out:

A dinner knife!? Imagine wiping your baby's backside with that! But that's not the worst of it. If you look really, really close:

It's the Autobot Matrix of Leadership! Will this outrage never end?! But if you look very, very, very close you can just about make out:

A chicken salad sandwich! What if the babies were vegetarian?! Won't someone think of the babies!

Reading the news so you don't have to...