The news in brief horoscope special:
Aries: Sex and hobbies are good for you.
Libra: You may receive something nice. Or not.
Taurus: Don't be a dick.
Scorpio: Being positive is good for you. Get a job.
Gemini: Do your research before starting a business.
Sagittarius: Your friends like you.
Cancer: Being positive is good for you. You might find love in an antique shop. Or maybe not.
Capricorn: Being positive is good for you. Don't be a dick.
Leo: Being positive is good for you.
Aquarius: Being positive is good for you. Get a job.
Virgo: Being positive is good for you.
Pisces: Being positive is good for you. Don't be a dick.
Perhaps they don't expect someone to read all twelve of them.
Reading the news so you don't have to...
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