The news in brief:
News pundit completes 31st orbit around the sun
Restaurant apologises for rap music
Competing businesses compete for business
Old couple have been married for a while
Justice should probably be done
Shooting unarmed civilians a Very Bad Thing
Religion's bodycount continues to mount
Man enjoyed his job
Parents cry 'Won't somebody think of the children!?' Irony missed
Old comedians want cash
Things are looking up
Internet still excited for TV show
Weather perfectly typical
Cotton wool is not food!
Diana Watch, Cybertronian edition: Offline
Murdering fuckends: lots
Hilariously offensive students are hilariously offensive
Spitting is bad, but not £500 bad...
Clowns can be terrible employers
Nobody buys crap product
Nudes in brief: Lady Gaga
Reading the news so you don't have to...
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