The news in brief 14th October 2015

The news in brief:

The Summary Squirrel gives us his take on the week's news:

The news in brief 13th October 2015

The news in brief:

Medieval justice system doesn’t give two shits about western mores

White supremacy inexplicably still a thing

World’s economy pretty fucked

Stop the press: non-renewable resource not unlimited   

Mad suggestion that women should be paid the same as men

Turns out people really were just reading it for the articles…

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Pro tip: forcing people into a locker makes you a cunt

Diana Watch 2015: property development has tenuous link to the people’s princess

Self entitled prick wastes police time

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Man’s inhumanity to sharks not so much

Bear in a cage probably not as scary as being bombed by your government

Misleading bullshit

Pink-foaming commentators didn’t read the article

Epic hero survives on ants

Brace yourselves for the coldest November this year

Newspaper indulges in a bit of cyberbullying

Africa is a pretty big place…

Here’s a thought - instead of mutilating young women, how about you stop fucking raping people  

Nudes in brief: Emilia Clarke

And finally: pig just wanted a swim

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The news in brief 12th October 2015

The news in brief:

Holy shitballs, what have we missed?! Bombings, shootings, air strikes, escalating tensions, the threat of cold war, rise in witchcraft-based child abuse (yeah, you read that right) natural disasters, market downturns and god-knows what else.  

We’ve also had near misses from planet-smashing asteroids, the discovery of flowing water on Mars, Pluto’s ice and beautiful blue skies and even the Kardashians have kept up their relentless social-media offensive.

But only one news story has dominated the headlines here in the United Kingdom:     

Outrage: supermarkets in England have to charge 5 pence for disposable plastic carrier bags!!!   

And everybody lost their freaking minds!

The whole country literally went into meltdown as ‘still having a planet for our children to live on,’ wasn’t worth the effort of remembering to fling one of those bags-for-life you get pressured into buying every time you go to Sports Direct into the boot of your car before you go to Aldi (who have been charging for carrier bags for donkey’s years and nobody gave two fucks before now.)

People took to social media complaining about the new tax (it doesn’t go to the government)

People complained about the dirty profiteering supermarkets (they don’t get to keep it either)

Columnists suggested ways for you to get around the dirty profiteering new tax (recycle old bags?! No fucking way!)

People started flogging cut price carrier bags on ebay

The tabloids blew banter completely out of proportion

And then in true British style, we simply forgot all about it… it was probably tea time or something.  

Reading the news so you don’t have to...