The news in brief 10th April 2014

The news in brief:

The Internet is out to get you – but it’s going to die soon anyway

Nazi swan

Hero parrot

Wild speculation continues apace - apologies not forthcoming

Plane still missing

Weather to turn summer-y

Man acts like prick - newspapers totally unbiased 

Man’s in humanity to man continues apace

Man’s inhumanity to animals continues apace

Basically people are monsters  

Ironic mugging

Someone you’ve never heard of is doing something, somewhere, soon (maybe)

Shock: humans have body hair

Newsflash: 2011 was three years ago…

Evolution’s gonna fuck us up

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

I know it’s not Sunday but ‘Woman wears dress!’

Nudes in brief: Rihanna

Science is fucking cool

Maybe, just maybe, these men are actually innocent?!

Space is, like, really, really big

Newspaper misrepresents reasonable terms and conditions

Baked beans will kill us all!

Diana Watch 2014: still dead

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 9th April 2014

The news in brief 9^th April 2014

Written this morning after getting mad at the tabloid headlines…

“The late Peaches Geldof has not yet had her autopsy. Which means a medical examiner has not determined the cause of her death. So whilst it's fair to say nothing has been ruled out, nothing has been ruled in either.
At this stage there is no information other than a young mother of two's light has been sadly extinguished. ...and so the universe weeps.

For our tabloid friends to be exclaiming 'Drugs and suicide NOT ruled out' whilst technically correct is nothing but wild speculation, sensationalism and downright insensitive to the friends and family of the deceased and a shameless cash-in on a human being's untimely death.

Maybe it was drugs. Maybe it was suicide, but let's wait until we have some fucking facts, okay?”

Getting pissed off at the news so you don’t have to…   

The news in brief 8th April 2014

The news in brief:

Giant sheep

Misleading coffee-related headline

Poor planning led to piss poor performance

Cookie Monster probably not a Nazi

Turns out nurses work pretty damned hard

Wild speculation shot down - apologies not forthcoming

UK public obsessed with TV show

Journalist hasn't quite worked out this whole 'no comment' thing

Russia situation upgraded from 'forgotten' to 'hairy'

Great British public baying for blood

Wardrobe malfunction

Maybe it was just a phase…

Inexpensive house is inexpensive

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Vapid clotheshorse turns out to be of a bit racist too

Science is fucking awesome

Government creates logistical nightmare

Toilet terror!

Study states the obvious – stress is bad for you

Internet bullying is NOT news

How dare people fail to conform to the media’s narrow definition of beauty!?

By this point, does anybody believe the near-daily ‘Kim Jong-un has done X’ stories?

Girl must really like bananas

It turns out not all humans are wankers

Nudes in brief: lap dancing robot

Diana Watch 2014: Dead, and unlikely to be influencing wardrobe choices.

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

Breaking news

Breaking news: three month heatwave expected to start in early June. Also known as 'summer?!'

The news in brief 7th April 2014

The news in brief: 

Children look different after 29 years

Freedom: no; Doctor Who: yes

End of the world? Probably not.  

Some people are fucking weird

Not all humans suck

Russia situation all but forgotten

Boxers tend to get punched

Old man dies

Mad suggestion that the law should be applied evenly

Missing ‘plane still missing

Religion’s bodycount continues to mount

Young lady dies – Internet starts making jokes already  

Wild speculation

Because loosing your livelihood and being publicly shamed isn’t punishment at all

Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace

Remember – it’s easier to lie than tell the truth

Rubbish drone

Must be a really fucking slow news day

Minor HR issue is probably not news

Twitter user not psychic

Seriously – put the graphic content warning BEFORE the picture, not AFTER!  

Baby probably not making smart social commentary

Spiders are after your car!

Sideboob in brief: Amy Willerton

People like coffee

Artist hates babies

Diana Watch 2014: still pretty dead

Reading the news so you don’t have to…

The news in brief 6th April 2014

How quickly a week goes by?! Soon be time again to trade our dignity, our freedom and our will to live for the almighty dollar. But before we go back to neckties, doubleplusgood newspeak and blue sky thinking, let’s enjoy   

The new in brief celebrity special:

Mother carries child

Paparazzi catches woman parenting

Family spends time together!  

Woman conforms to media’s narrow definition of beauty

It’s okay to not be perfect

Woman has legs

Paparazzi make private moment public

Wild speculation

Woman wear dress

Man looks alright

Some actual news – oh my :(

Man has nice car

Person updates social media

Boobies!

Woman wears bikini

It is NOT okay to not be perfect

Cardigan kind-of similar I suppose

Professional floozy dresses like a tart

Man wears sunglasses OUTSIDE in the SUN!

Woman wears dress

Woman doesn’t conform to media’s narrow definition of beauty

Woman dares to show her face without make up!

Remember – it’s not bullying if you do it in a newspaper…  

Nudes in brief: Lara Bingle

Woman has legs

Outrage as new parents obey the law

Diana Watch 2014: Pictures of her trip to New Zealand. Dead.

Reading the ‘news’ so you don’t have to…      

Breaking news

Breaking news: old man retires (no word yet of a Brucie Bonus)