Today’s news in brief:
Usual news in brief rules apply: when we're away from work, you dweebs gotta read your own news. So we're doing a mash up of actual news and celebrity bullshit tonight then we're downing our notepads and fedoras until the 14th.
Landing rockets probably quite hard
Customers talk smack about waiter with special needs. Restaurant has none of it…
Religion's bodycount continues to mount
Brace yourselves for some weather
Pro tip: sat navs do not replace common sense
Attention assholes: two wrongs do not make a right
Man's inhumanity to man continues apace
Righteous dude totally saves the day
Peanuts probably won't kill us all
Juice stain does look at lot like a cock and balls (but why is this news?!)
What lecturer does in his spare time none of our business
Fire engines are NOT toys
Scientists apparently haven't seen Jurassic Park
Paparazzi intrudes on intimate moment
Woman wears bikini
Couple gets married
Woman updates social media
Woman goes outside
Publishing photos of someone else's six year old still seems pretty weird to us
Someone going outside without make up isn't news
Woman conforms to media's narrow definition of beauty
Man caught socialising
Photographer intrudes on family day out
Woman does job
Being over 60 is not news
Woman fails to conform to media's narrow definition of beauty
Stars in their bras: Bella Thorne
And finally: dog is pretty fucking photogenic
Reading the news so you don’t have to…
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