The news in brief:
Newspaper wants to know why we’re not mad about the millions
of ugly animals we kill everyday
Lion clearly more popular than millions of displaced,
war-weary human beings
Old lady advocates lynch-mob justice
Whoever said ‘there’s no such thing as bad publicity’
obviously never heard of Twitter
Celebrities hop on convenient band wagon
Man’s inhumanity to man continues apace
Study states the obvious: supermarket own labels cheaper
than big name brands
Remember: a woman has the right to wear anything she wants
on her body (unless other women don’t approve of it, then they’re wrong and
they’re not smart enough to make their own choices and they’ve got to conform…!)
Religion’s bodycount continues to mount
Your city is probably shit
Economy still pretty terrible
Technology makes people think less good
People fucking hate robot checkouts
Pandas are dirty benefit cheats
No shit: sugar tastes sweet
Humans too stupid to text and walk
Kale will kill us all!
False widows are back (and will probably kill us all)
Pro tip: hysterectomies are not an oral procedure
Newspaper wheels out meme from 1994
Nudes in brief: Joanna Krupa
And finally: newspaper doesn’t quite get how physics works
Reading the news so
you don’t have to…
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