The news in brief:
Vote to divide our Great Nation (and pocket £1.30 per week)
Scotland might have to start paying for prescriptions mind.
Religion's bodycount continues to mount
Study suggests babies like peekaboo
You-know-who still missing
Intolerant bigot takes to the streets
Twins are not the same person
Diana Watch, day 40: We checked Wikipedia, still dead
MP suggest we should look after each other
Missing girl found, but newspaper makes it all about you-know-who...
Boris Johnson is not responsible for bicycle accidents any more than Halfords is. Dumb fucks
Prime Minister doesn't mention jumpers
Newspaper apparently hasn't read the Encyclopaedia Britannica page about False Widow spiders
Woman shops at Poundland
Drugged up megafan attacks director whose films keep their favourite franchise going. Irony lost
Autumnal weather forecast
Celebrity couple splits
Someone finally asked pregnant MP her opinion
Singer eats a sweet
Remember - it's okay to bully gingers (apparently)
Paper fawns over youthful megastar
Aged celebrity looks pretty old to me
Woman wears neutral colours
Headline announces England team's 'secret weapon'
Definition of 'secret' becomes lost in translation
Plebgate - don't say sorry unless you mean it
Crimean Astrophysical Observatory says 1:63000 odds asteroid might hit us.
NASA says no
Reading the news so you don't have to...
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