Today's news in brief:
Skynet is watching you bone
Woman says what we're all thinking
Man's shadow probably not haunted
Religion's bodycount continues to mount
It's probably not aliens
Man's inhumanity to man continues apace
Vampire fish will kill us all
Minor customer service failure masquerading as news
More optical fucking illusions
Fracking will kill us all
Country that can't manage universal sanitation shoots rocket into space
Outrage as rules applied equally
Lions make terrible pets
Brexit will fuck us all!
Brexit will make our lives idyllic
Biopiracy is totally a thing
Terror threat is pretty fucking chilling
Study states the obvious: too much sugar is bad for you
Stars in their bras: Caroline Flack
And finally: little girl tells it like it is
Reading the news so you don’t have to...
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