The news in brief:
Men with beards literally full of shit
Need a new heart? Why not 3D print a new one?
Man’s inhumanity to crabs continues apace
Secretive state surprises no-one
Newspaper oddly keen to start a war with China
Scientists figure out how to make a tractor beam
Mass transit system fails to figure out how to ‘keep trains
running when there are leaves on the line.’
Religion’s bodycount continues to mount
Shame there’s no consensus on what counts as ‘processed.’
Stealth fracking not as hot as it sounds
Historically oppressive government turns its sights on
Halloween
Pro tip: meat is safe so long as you eat it raw and still
mooing. Ideally in a field.
Social media FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE!
People will sell any old shit on ebay
Russian criminals own the stereotype
Slow news day? Newspaper rolls out some customer service
tweets
Pro tip: women are people and not commodities
Modern art is rubbish
Planet of the Apes may actually be a thing come 2017…
Study states the obvious: office job stifles your ability to
think stuff good
Ironic dog name
Nudes in brief: Farrah Abraham
And finally: woman’s Halloween costume is so much better
than yours
Reading the news so
you don’t have to…
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