The news in brief:
A bunch of nobodies goes into a house
PM has a towel
Hitler golf!
More pretty girls get results (but it's not good news)
Snails are slow
Bank holiday sales must end!
We're gonna have some weather
Religion's bodycount continues to mount
99 year-old dies
Rational decision causes outrage
Old man retires
First world problems
The Internet remains a dangerous place
No mention of fracking
Arsehole family gets what coming to them
Celebrity baby has wacky name
Pregnant woman goes to hospital to give birth
Reading the news so you don't have to....
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